Monday, September 29, 2008

Charm is deceptive, and beauty fleeting...

I've got beautiful friends. There's no two ways about it, I've got knock-your-socks-off gorgeous gal pals. It should be no surprise that I've always felt somewhat, er, homely. At best. Some days less attractive than homely, but altogether average for the most part. My husband said a couple of years ago, when asked point blank "Do you think your wife is beautiful?", "Yeah, she's cute". I know, because I was sitting there. My friend Stef was seriously mad whe I told her about the conversation. "A DOG is cute", she says, "not your WIFE". All things considered I'm pretty ok with this, and the few times anyone has said they think I'm "pretty", I get quite uncomfortable.

I've always been sorta honked off at the notion that "all women are beautiful". It felt like I was being placated in my average-ness, condescended upon (to? who knows). So imagine my surprise when I'm casually reading my Bible one day, and I come upon, "How beautiful you are, my darling, How beautiful you are!" in Song of Songs. By my count, the bride is called beautiful eleven times in eight chapters. It's like she doesn't GET IT. Hmm.

As a gal who believes that this book is BOTH a story of two lovers AND the Lord's relationship with His church, do I have any choice but to believe that He thinks I'm beautiful? Can you tell that I'm squirming, screaming inside, as I type this?

I don't know who to be as someone who is supposed to (but does not, and is not sure how to) believe that she is beautiful.

I am stuck.

No comments: