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Thursday, September 18, 2008

I Hate Elijah House

There I said it, and now can hopefully move on.

So Elijah House, for those of you who don't know, is a prayer ministry designed to help you work through your stuff so you can effectively minister to others. Sounds fun, right?

Yeah. Except that I have a lot of stuff. And it hurts to dig up all that drama. I've written some here about my abortion, my eating disorder, some about my marriage, but the stuff I'm doing here is stuff that I like to keep hidden. Like my mom telling me she wished I was never born. Like not knowing what it feels like to really experience God. Like only identifying with songs that talks about my sin and brokenness, not the joy of the Lord.

So things are feeling a little dark and morose around here these days. I still rejoice over my children, and I'm working hard at eating right and working out in healthy ways, but otherwise, emotionally, I'm just trying to achieve homeostasis. It's going to be a long five months.

2 comments:

Michelle@Life with Three said...

Oh, girl, hang in there! There's always some heavy duty climbing involved before you summit the mountain. Just keeping putting one foot in front of the other. You're in my prayers!

kimberly said...

I've been thinking and praying for you today since I read this post this morning....
It's hard to get past all of the baggage and guilt that we carry around (or at least it always has been for me)...