Yeah, I know. That miscarriage threw me for a loop. Actually, I'm still in that loop. But the beautiful thing about walking through this with the Lord and people who love Him is that you're totally on a boomerang path.
You come back because there's nowhere else to go. You come back because there's no one else who loves you like He does. You come back because there's no other balm for your heart. And, once you mature and see through His lens, you come back because you love Him too, and you want to please Him more than you want to hold on to your bitterness.
I don't know yet what I was supposed to learn from those 5 weeks of trials (starting with finding that we were expecting, then losing my job, then losing my gym, then losing the Music Man's second job, then losing the baby). I know that it broke my heart enough to move me toward God and away from some unforgiveness. Why else? I may never know.
In other news, I may be going to Russia over Thanksgiving for 10 days. I have to decide by Sunday. Pretty well everything is in place, except that I need to raise $2000 in support. I've never raised support of any kind, so we'll see how this goes. I'm not 100% sure that God wants me to go, but He hasn't thrown up any roadblocks yet. He hasn't answered my supplications in that respect for two months now, so I'm going with the theory that not getting a "no" means "go ahead--for now". I'm good either way, really. I want to go, but ten days without my family, especially over the holidays, seems really hard.
You're pretty well up to speed. I'll try to be more consistent!