Monday, April 7, 2008

A Weighty Frustration

*Disclaimer: This is my blog and I therefore talk about whatever I want to talk about. However, weight is a sensitive topic, so those who are triggered by such talk should please avoid today's post. Thanks!

That said, here's the deal. I'm frustrated. Seriously, stinkingly frustrated. The Look Alike is 5 weeks old, and I've lost a little over 30 lbs according to my in-law's scale. Hopefully the scale at my midwife's office will be a little more forgiving on Friday. Anyhow, it's no great secret that I've got quite a bit of weight to lose. QUITE a bit. Like 25-30% of my current weight to get into my recommended weight range.

I HATE being this big. It's frustrating and painful, and no one will tell you you're overweight when you weigh what I weigh because I'm not visibly obese, though I'm technically obese according to my BMI. Suffice it to say that people who are 5'2" should never be over 200 lbs, no matter the circumstance (the circumstance being pregnancy in this situation).

I'm kind of at an impasse. I worry some that I worry about weight, having been eating disordered, off and on, for about eight years. Perhaps being overly concerned with going back there keeps the weight on. Perhaps it's something else entirely. I like to think it's because I love food, but doesn't everybody love food?

Maturity, I think that's it. I have yet to develop a maturity about the situation, and that's compounded by the fact that I grew up having to hide food and getting told I was eating too much. Wait, then I was eating too little. Sigh. I have no idea what it the "right" thing anymore.
So I've been studying some about how God would have us eat, just from the Scriptures, not anyone's book about the topic. And I do think I'm on the right track. But if I can't lose weight doing this, I wonder if I'll keep it up.


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