Tuesday, March 31, 2009

You Bring Me to My Knees...

...I'll give you everything!*

Since I met with Ransomed Grace last Wednesday, I've felt a renewed passion to figure this Christianity thing out. I got saved in '05, but in the last (almost) 4 years, I've been missing something.

Last night, I figured out what it is.

Two of my assignments were a belief statement about the character of God, as well as an introspection essay on what I allow to keep me from having an intimate relationship with God. I was reading through my work for both last night, and realized that I only know Jesus perfunctorily. I know Him like I know a new friend, not in the deep way that makes you give your life for someone. Not in the way you'd talk to someone who knows you thoroughly. I don't try to keep in touch.

I have violated the greatest commandment. Jesus said to him, “‘you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
(Matthew 22:37 – 40)

It got me to thinking. What would my day look like if I were seeking to first please the Lord? How would I rise each morning? Spend my free time? Order my gym time, family time, quiet time? How often would I talk to Him? I don't have those answers yet, but for the first time last night, I realized that I truly believed intimacy with Him was actually possible for ME. In a while I plan to call RG and confess this to her, get her thoughts, and see if I have more assignments from this revelation.

How sad that it took me this long. And how faithful God is that He'd try to teach me again, after all this time, to just love Him. Just love Him.

*That's a Vineyard Music song called, "More Than Ever".

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