Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Stand in the Rain, Stand Your Ground

“We are everywhere. We are everyone. We are dying to be accepted among you. We are angry young women. We are devastated by this". --Sydna Masse

I am angry. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to say this, and am not terribly comfortable doing so now, but it demands to be said.

After my abortion, two of my friends abandoned me. Now, I admit that part of the reason was that I'd lied to one of them and said that I didn't tell the other about my pregnancy, that should be said. Two friends who professed to be believers stopped talking to me altogether. One of them let me know that she couldn't be in relationship with me until I got my act together. Wow.

Can you tell me how I was supposed to get my act together? Really? Because I just killed my kid, was terrified that my parents would find out, and knew that I didn't have anywhere to go in three months when my sophomore year of college was over. I had only my relationship with my then-boyfriend (now husband), and it was less than seven months old.

You were my family. You two were the only ones I had. So I'm sorry that I lied, but I think we all know that wasn't the reason you left me. I have never felt so isolated, so hated. I don't know what I would've done in your place, but it seems like you just wanted a reason to discard me, and you did.

I'm not asking you to be sorry, I just needed to say it, to own it, to take it to the cross.

That is all.

*I should say that these are people who I am still in relationship with. One of them previewed this blog before posting, and she and I talked. Forgiveness was accepted, and I feel good about that conversation.

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