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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Blank Slate

You know the psychological concept of tabula rasa? Yeah, I think it's crap. We're all born with a personality, there's nothing blank about the look in my children's eyes even immediately after birth.

But the point of the title was this that I feel like God gave me a couple of days off. I thought, silly me, that I was done dealing with the abortion for now. Silly, silly me. He just gave me a couple of days to rest, and then threw me right back into it last night. Right before bed. Imagine how I slept after that, sigh.

Newish Friend shared more in depth about how abortion touched her life, and it is really affecting me right now. Y'all, I am undone. This isn't something I've ever talked about, and it keeps getting harder. God has me coming to the end of myself, I can feel it. I want to be able to let it go and give it up to Him, but I can't seem to get there.

I just want to cry. Or sleep. Or be alone. Probably all of the above. I just want a rest, a real rest.

Matt 11: 28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." The Message

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you need someone to talk to, I believe I can help. Don't ever think that you are alone.

heather said...

That would depend on who you are, anon. ;)

diana said...

i'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time, heather. my prayers are with you. hold on to God's promises.