Thursday, April 9, 2009

I Screwed Up

Big time. I mean like royally. Sigh.

I have this friend, Prisoner of Hope. She and I have been in relationship for about 10 months, but it's one of this dive-deep friendships, a total divine appointment. The last Monday of March, I asked a question about something she did in front of people that she said shamed her. I will say that my motivation was pure (to my mind), and that I was seeking clarification, but that doesn't change how she felt about it. She didn't let me know until this past Monday. And did I react in humility, befitting a Christian woman? Did I, with no thought to my own offense, ask for her forgiveness?

Well, not exactly.

Yeah, instead I acted like a trapped and wounded animal. I lashed out. She's EXTREMELY sensitive, and I let her have it. However, I was crafty enough to do it in ways that sounded sweet and innocent enough. She knew, though. She knew that my words were designed to be daggers, and they had the desired effect.

I've been in knots about this since Monday. Yesterday I met with Ransomed Grace and explained to her again why I was right and my friend was wrong and this was all silly. You know what happened? She quietly told me about the humble way her husband reacts to these situations. Not how pious her own heart is, but how he reacts in a godly and loving way. After I left her house, I went to the gym. After sweating it out and processing for a bit, I realize that she was right, and as a correllary, how sickly wrong I had been.

On the way home, I called PH. I left her a voice mail just to tell her that I can't imagine the ways she must've been hurt for her to react the way that she did, and I was so sorry to be another person to wound an already scarred heart. Told her that whatever I felt, I was wrong because this was about HER. And you know what? It is. She came to me in humility, letting me know that I'd hurt her. She wanted to reconcile, but I was more interested in being right.

My friend Tim used to say, "You can be right or you can have relationships, but you can't have both". I can honestly say that I never understood what that meant until last night. Wow did it sting when I did!

So it's now just after 5 am, and I got up a while ago to pray. Tonight at 6:30 EST I'm meeting with my friend to work on reconciliation. Please pray that this time goes well. At the end of the day, I want her in my life more than I want to be right. Isn't that what it's all about, after all?

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