Saturday, July 11, 2009


I gave birth on Wednesday. For some unknown reason, my body pushed out my gestating babe, only 8 weeks developed. It happened in the usual way, I suppose. I started to bleed a bit, dealt with some severe cramping, and she was gone within hours. My grape-sized fetus held life-sized potential to her mama. I never got to see that little one, never got to hold her. I didn't get to give her a proper burial. Instead, she was washed away with all of the other waste I care not to think about.

And I wonder things, like did she hurt as she died? Did the angels rejoice to get my girl back after such a short time away? Did she get to hear the words upon her return that I've always wanted to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant"?

I miss her acutely. I mourn the loss of who she would have been, who I'll never know that she was. I just miss her.


Brenna Kater, the Oceanskater said...

Oh, Heather, I'm so sad for you. Murky waters indeed. Praying for much peace for you & your family.

Beth said...

Oh, Heather. I just read this. I want you to know I love you very, very much! You know that God has been speaking to you very clearly lately through His promise in Jeremiah 29:11. Hold on to this promise with confidence that He has a plan and a purpose... plans for your welfare and for your future to be filled with hope. I will keep you all in my prayers.

diana said...

i am so sorry to read this and to imagine how painful it must have been (and still is) for you. may God comfort you during this time.

Michelle@Life with Three said...

Heather -- I'm so sorry to read this (especially so belatedly). I'm praying for healing for you and your family.