Friday, December 4, 2009

So, Sigh.

Y'all, my heart just hurts. There's this "divergence" happening at my church. And here's the hard part: the people leaving are the people most precious to us. The people who welcomed us into their home as non-believers. Who walked with us, counseled us, loved our children . The people who have poured into us, shaped and changed our faith, helped us grow in Christ.

And we're not going with them.

Yeah, I know. I don't understand it either. The Lord has spoken clearly to both the Music Man and myself that we are to stay where we are. This is so painful. I will, of course, choose obedience, and am just begging God to change my heart and help me walk this out joyfully.

But the real reason for my post is this: I feel like I was obedient is telling our small group leaders that we aren't free to go with them right now, but there's still this part of me is trying to manipulate God. I thought, "Well, if we're obedient in this, maybe He'll give it back. Maybe we'll get to leave after all". Lord, forgive me for that! Forgive me for coming to you in my flesh yet again. Purify the desires of my heart, help me lay down what I want in my flesh for Your highest purpose for my life. Sigh. Amen.

Walking it out each day isn't always fun, and it's almost never easy. But I DO want obedience, whatever the cost. Here's to our new adventure in church life!

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